It’s also evidence against the idea that harsh or authoritarian discipline is required to turn children into skilled, productive, cooperative adults.īut what about societies that aren’t based on hunting and gathering? There was nothing to rebel against.Īnd that’s one line of evidence against the idea that rebellion is an inevitable part of growing up. Kids grew up understanding their social responsibilities, but they also exercised lots of autonomy. This is the pattern observed in hunter-gatherers living in a variety of ecosystems around the globe, and it’s very likely the pattern that dominated in our evolutionary past. Treat others as you would like others to treat you. It’s a kind of “live and let live” approach, guided by something akin to the Golden Rule. But otherwise, juveniles are given a lot of leeway. Kids learn to participate in this system, and parents use games to teach their children about sharing. If an individual tries to get bossy, he or she will be greeted with ridicule and rejection. So everybody is granted equal decision-making power. Their very survival depends on egalitarianism and mutual support. As I explain elsewhere, hunter-gatherers value autonomy and hate bossiness. How does it all come together? Do adults impose rules, demand obedience, or otherwise boss children around? Do they tell kids where to sit, what to think, how to spend their spare time? Throughout the “tween” and “teen” years, they learn the advanced stuff - like big-game hunting, information about the local ecology, and how to create complex tools (Lew-Levy et al 2017).Īnd all along the way, kids learn that it’s essential to help each other. They participate in foraging, and contribute substantially to their own, daily energetic requirements (Bogin 2009). Nowadays, there are still some hunter-gatherer societies left, and members of these societies have allowed anthropologists to study them.Īs you might expect, the children in traditional foraging societies don’t go to school. But they learn important skills through observation, play, and guided practice.īy the age of 7, kids are often skilled enough to partially “pay their own way” in life. To see what I mean, let’s re-visit hunting and gathering - the way of life that characterized more than 95% of human history. What happens later, when children reach school age? Rebellion isn’t inevitable. If you’re struggling with a defiant toddler or preschooler, I recommend checking out my evidence-based tips for positive parenting. They have developmental constraints that put them at high risk for resisting authority. So let’s put younger children to one side. So don’t knock yourself out trying to do the impossible.Īdults wait until kids are older – between the ages of 5 and 7 – before attempting to hold them to strict behavioral standards. Little kids can’t be reasoned with, and they lack self-control. In fact, the most ancient approach to early childhood – practiced by hunter-gatherers – is to avoid issuing commands.Īnd in traditional agricultural societies throughout the world, parents engage in a kind of collective shrug when it comes to toddler discipline. Nobody is born pre-programmed to defer to authority.ĭuring the toddler years, children are inclined to follow their impulses, and they often do. And teach them to consider the needs of others. Give kids opportunities to make personal decisions. But they recognize limits to our power: They resist when they perceive us as trying to control their personal lives. Is childhood rebellion inevitable? Not really. © 2018 – 2021 GWEN DEWAR, PH.D., ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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